Just For Laughs

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1. A Cordilleran visited for the first time relatives in Canada. One morning he went out alone and dined in a fine restaurant. As he does not have any knowledge of the delicacies in the menu, he ordered just for a coffee. The waiter politely asked him any other order. Appearing smart, "Just bring me any of your specialty that has a 'dog' ingredient."

After some minutes the waiter came with the coffee then later, a HOTDOG breakfast. The Cordilleran, looked at the plate and said to the waiter, "Oh, so you serve the dog's sex organs here. In our country, we do not eat this part of the dog. You must be serving the balls too!"
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2. "It was believed long ago that heaven is really not above and hell not below. They are just on a flat surface and separated only by a wall. One day, the population of hell became so enormous that they began leaning on the wall. The wall then gave in so St. Peter called on Lucifer to meet him. "I called on you because I want you to fix the wall which was crushed by your unruly crowd," said St. Peter. Lucifer protested and challenged St. Peter why he should fix the same. "Why should we? We're not the ones who destroyed that." "But it is evident that it is your crowd who did it. The wall fell over our side so it must be your crowd who pushed it," answered back St. Peter. Lucifer, stubborn as he is, still refused and denied their involvement in the devastation of the wall.

Irritated, St. Peter, not knowing how to answer, then yelled "Well then, I'll see you in court.."

Instead of being alarmed and without any sign of doubt, confident Lucifer then answered "And where will you get a Lawyer? They are all here on my side!!!""
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3. Adda ti naka mascara nga nag hold-up ti maysa nga bus jay manila. “Ilabas at tanggalin lahat ang inyong mga pera’t alahas at ilagay dito sa bag ko, kung hindi’y papatayin ko kayo..” sinaga-sagaysa na amin enggana nakadanon jay kaudian nga pasahero (ibontok nga naka leather jacket). “Akin na yang leather jacket mo.” “tsa.. luga-lugak ya..?? (its very old)” kunan jay igorot. Sinmungbat met jay holdaper with the same language, tone & accent “tsa.. ulay man..!! (whatever).”
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4. At the Dangwa Station, a guard whistled on a man urinating against the wall immediately after getting off the bus.

Guards: Pards, I-ad-adayum man bassit ta isbum!

Man: Anya ka metten! Ket nu inyada-adayuk ti isbuk. Agasem ta nagapuak pay lang Kiangan at ittuyak nga umisbu!

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5. When the bus going to Ifugao was still via Halsema highway, a story was told about a man who bought Bangus from Baguio City then bringing it home to Kiangan. The bangus vendor knowing that his merchandise will be brought to long journey packed ice with it. The man who bought the bangus immediately thanked the vendor, "Mayat ka nga aglaku ah. Presko ngaruden ti bangus mu, adda pay libre nga asa-an nga it-itedmo."

The man boarded the bus for Kiangan. When they reached the stopover somewhere between the Benguet-Mt. Province boundary, he checked on his bangus. He noticed that his pack is filled with water. He remarked,"Ay apu ti kadwa nga Igorot. Ha'an lang nga agtatakaw, bastos pay. Tinakaw da la ngaruden diay asa-an ko, inisbuan da pay diay bangus ku."
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6. There was a man, allegedly from Kiangan, who was caught spitting at the former Malcolm Square. When the police is accosting him for his offense, he remarked, "Ket pidutem a ta ebidensya."
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7. Adda ti Ilocano, Tagalog ken Igorot jay death row ket masapol nga agpili da nu kasanu da nga mapatay:
- mapaltogan jay ulo;
- mapugotan;
- maindeksyonan ti AIDS virus.

Ilocano: “paltugan dak jay ulo” (Bang, natay!)

Tagalog: “pugotan nyo ako” (Whak, patay!)

Igorot: (nalastog na nga inbaga) “Give me some of that AIDS stuff”. Bigla nga nagkakatawa ti napigsa idi maindeksyonan, sanan to kuna nga “ikan dak pay”. Masmasdaaw dagidiay gwardia ngem awan mabalin da isunga inindeksyonan da manen. Karkaro nga pinmigsa ti katawan diay Igorot isunga haan nga matepelan daytoy warden nga agsaludsod, “kinmatok kan samet.. ibagam lang nu paltogan me wenno pugutan me ti ulom”. Sinmungbat diay Igorot, “Isunga awan asenso ti pulis a ta nagtatabbed da... haan dak nga mapatay ti AIDS uray nu kasanu ti kaado na gamin naka-CONDOM ak!!!
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8. Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.
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9. Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng picture,
nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito,
natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.
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10. Frat leader: Balita ko, gay ka?!
Member: Hindi ako bakla! Chismax lang yun ng mga chuvanes na walang magawa
sa mga chenelyn nila! Mga chaka ever! Me, Baklush? Haller?!
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11.Juan: Pedro, nasaksak ako! Walang hinto ang tagas ng dugo. Please, call
me a nurse. Call me a nurse, bilis!
Pedro: Sige, you're a nurse! Nurse ka Juan! You're a nurse! Nurse kah!
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12. Nakatakas si Erap, FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa
isang farm...
Terorista1: Anong nakita mo dyan?
Terorista2: Mga sako lang.
Terorista1: Tingnan mo ang laman!
Sinipa ng terorista ang unang sako, "Meow", sabi ni FVR!
Terorista2: Pusa!
Sinipa ang pangalawang sako, "Aw aw!" sabi ni GMA!
Terorista2: Aso!
Sinipa ang ikatlong sako... Walang tunog kaya sinipa uli ito ng sinipa
ng terorista.
Dahil sa sakit ng sipa, napasigaw na si Erap. "Patatas!"

Source: http://www.freewebs.com/shaley/jokescollection.htm